I Sailed Through!

With the breaks and turn off's
With the disappointments and the run off's
With the lifeless moments and endless pain
Finally today i call myself free

I stand on this brighter side
I stand on this achievers club
I stand on this golden edge
I stand on this mellow hub.

Struggling for love and struggling for life
making all last; you and my career
when you bailed every turn you got
and tried every way to keep you in life.

But you left alright no matter what
you left when i needed you the most
You said 'I am more worried about me than you"
and you said "You don't care how i fare"

So i fought for myself alone
carrying your pain and your hurtful words
I sailed success through and through
and i sailed to make my dreams come true.
I saw you alone and disappointed.
I saw you failing, eventually defeated.

I still at times want to share my joy with you
I still at times want to be there for you
But you couldn't be with me in my bad days
So You have no rights to be in my good ones either.

He said I promised her a life.

He said 'I have to be with her.
If i don't go, she might not
keep faith in anyone again'.

He said 'I need to hold her hand
If i don't, she might make herself so strong
to not let anyone be close again'.

He said 'I made her fall in love with me.
If i undid that, she won't
believe in fairy tales having a forever'.

He said 'I need to stand by her.
If today i back out, she won't
even look at me not today not ever'.

He said 'I know she can make it on her own.
I know she is that strong.
but i want to be there to catch if she falls.

He said 'I promised her a Life.
I promised her Me.
If i don't stay when she needs me the most
Tell me, What kind of  a Man i be?

I Can't Define Us

She says 'I am not talking to you. I wasn't going to. I hate me.'

He says 'Its better you hate yourself and love me.'

She says 'I don't love anyone'.

He says 'Make me an exception'.

She says 'You make me love you and then you forget you made me love you. And then again you become this person who makes me love you again. So you are there and then you aren't and then you are there again'.

He says 'I was, I am and i will always be there.'

She says 'Its been long time we spoke. Anything new with you.'

He says 'All old. Missed you a lot.'

She asks 'What are we? Together how do we define us.'

He says 'We can't, even you know that. Just trust me when i say I love you and i am there for you. I love you'.

She says 'Don't say you love me. You say it now and then again you forget to say it.'

He says 'Okay. I love you'.

Broken And Bruised!!

Broken, bruised and wounded,
I stare at those closed walls.
I scream to get help
but I get none at all.

I cry in silence
and I cry out loud
Nothing seems to end this pain
No one seems to hear my shout.

I confide in the wrong
Get hurt over and over again
Nothing to soothe the aching heart
No one to ease my pain.

I look at my wrist
And i look at the knife
And i think won't it be easy to end it all
Yet i can't, I got to stand up
I got to win this fight i lost.



 .

A Friend You Need To Keep

Shraddha: "Why don't you talk to me anymore? I feel you don't wanna share anything with me. Other people tend to know more about you. I am not available or you don't wanna talk to me. Be honest."

Sneha:      "Who other people? There is nothing going on in my life to talk about. Everyday is miserable!."

Shraddha: "Rajesh, for instance. He knows why your mood is off and with whom you fight. I don't. Is it that don't ask or you don't tell me? Or i am just not there for you?"

Sneha:      "With Rajesh i hardly had a conversation in past few days and my routine he knows cause he asks."

Shraddha: "Exactly i remember talking to you everyday. Guess you not talking to me doesn't ,matter as much as others. May be i was just your fun friend not a best friend. More i try to be there for you, more you push me away."

Sneha:      "I feel you are busy. I don't know where you be."

Shraddha: "I don't even know where you are nowadays. I thought we had gone past these i'll tell you only if you ask me. Good you have found replacements. Hope atleast they are there for you like i wasn't".

Sneha:      "I tell you. I tell you everything. Though late at times. but i tell you everything. I just want to get past one day after another. So please don't fight. I can't deal with your questions. You don't get it how much pain i am in everyday. So don't fight. Not now."

Shraddha: "I am not fighting, i am asking. Cause you fail to see that you have shut tight doors on my face and I am getting to know about you from others."

Sneha:     "You didn't do anything wrong. and i tell you everything."

Shraddha: "Yeaaa!! What are you going to do? Shut yourself from me and for how long? Common you are not allowed to be weak. You hear me right. You are not allowed.  You can't be tired and you just can't give up. You taught me to love and you saying you are just living to get this done with. Your life is going to move on whatsoever, so might as well you smile or cry and get depressed over it. You choose. And yes it’s you who decide s and yes i know it’s not easy but darling just like you don't have  an option but breathe, you don't have an option here either."

Sneha:    "I love you so much! I am trying hard. Its not easy feeling abandoned. It's been a month and there is not even one call."

Shraddha: "He is not going to call. You also know that. What are you crying over? How could he do this or why you...? Why don't you have those boyfriends who lick their girlfriend’s ass. Cause you are not one of those girls. It’s as simple as that. You are independent. You are one of the strongest people i know.  Infact you are the only strong person i know. You held onto something that was nothing for more than a year. You deserve to tell yourself you at least tried."

Sneha:      "I wish i could hug you right now."

Shraddha:  "And he didn't dump you. You dumped him cause he failed to give you a commitment. He failed to have the balls to take a stand. Or rather he took the wrong stand. He chickened out on the first opportunity he got. And stop saying he thought of you. He thought of himself cause he didn't have the guts. And this isn't the first time you haven't spoken for more than a month. Before this you guys spoke within  a month cause you called everytime."

Sneha:    "Yes i did and i hate myself for that."

Shraddha:  "Tomorrow i want you in library with your books. Cause you are a doctor and d dam good one."

Sneha:      "Yeah. I need to find my books. I love you okay. I really do and may be at times am late to tell you stuff but i always tell you. You are my person. You are the only one!"

P.S- These two are the reason i stand strong. I love you my friends!!

Choose Your Friends Carefully

"You are not helping. You are not helping" she yelled " You are my best friend and you are not helping." She walked around talking small footsteps, crying, wiping those tears, breathing in and crying again. She looked at him sitting quietly. She went near him and pulled away. "You. You of all the people in the world, you had to be such an ass. I have the world comforting me and you i don't find around". "I have my own problems" he replied.

          The anger just reached her head. She went red wondering what to say to this heartless friend of her's. "Yeah right, she not talking to you, she not licking your ass is your problem. She making you dance on your toes is your problem and Of course your family not supporting your love is a problem, which is not even a problem since they don't even know about it yet. Here I am alone. Broken up, left at the altar. Close to having a happy ending and then it being ripped off, shattered to pieces still listening to you complaining about your messed up life which by the way isn't messed up. You decide to give me a cold shoulder. You are my best friend. Do you know what that means. It means i rely on you for comfort, i rely that you will be available when i need you. So please think back and analyse were you there?.  When i was in pain were you there to comfort me? Did you call up once to just talk, anything. You were present few days and invisible later. Of all the people, you knew how much i depended on you and still you couldn't come out of your fake sadness and be there. I listened to everyone's problems when i didn't want to including you and you didn't notice how very difficult it was. So i loose my love and my best friend in an instant. It makes me sad that i trust wrong people. You were my best friend and now you are nothing but a big disappointment."

      

Be a Friend!!

You matter cause i let you
You talk cause i listen
You call cause i pick up
You care cause i make you.

So loving me is not a responsibility
And being there is not an obligation
Making me feel i am the one in need
is not what i had asked for

The deal was to be more than friends.
The deal was to just be present.
No questioning, no doubts,
no disappearing, no resent.

I don't love you.
I don't ask for commitment.
I don't want you to be the mistake.
Be a friend,
To be one stand up when it takes!!

Heart Of Gold

Your heart is pure gold.
It denies the existence
and finds peace in the dreams.
It cares with no beyond
to measures impossible that seems.
It loves with flawless emotions
like no one else can love other.
It survives the storm with a smile
every single one the life offers.

And yet he doesn't get
what a pure heart you have.
And yet he stabs it every time,
with a laugh you accept it all.
You don't seem to see the one
who wants the heart of Gold
Look here, Look at me
Love me,
Love the one who wants
the heart forever to Hold.

I Care Even If You Don't

I sit and i think what exactly happened to us? When and how did we drift so much apart? Where did the love disappear? I wonder a lot of things. I sit hours thinking what went wrong and i can't come to an explanation. I try and go through our mistakes, yours and mine together to blame our failure on either one of us but i can't. I just simply can't so i keep thinking.
                    Believe me i don't want to. I don't want to be this person who doesn't notice anything going around her. I don't want to be the person who despite having best of people around her ends up feeling alone just cause you moved away. I don't want to be this miserable. You know what i want to be, i want to be someone who believes in love, who believes good things can happen, who believes that every true love can have their Knight in shining armor. But you, your absence takes every thing away from me and you make me miserable. You make me believe that dreams don't come true. You make me believe that everything has to end no matter how pure or genuine it may be. You make me believe in defeat and sadly i have become that person. I have lost and i have nothing to look forward to. I have become that ordinary girl with a broken heart.
               I believed in you. I still do and i know you are destined to do great things. You don't realize your potential but i do. So when you decided to quit on me i didn't fight back. I didn't say anything. If i was  remotely the reason for your unhappiness i would step aside and i did. I stepped aside. Because that is how much i love you. I don't know if what you played was a game or if wasn't so real to you but for me you were everything, literally everything. Out of everyone i think we had a shot cause i believed in us and despite me trying to hold on to you so much,you let go. I believed in us and now my whole belief system is shaken to the extent i don't trust my decisions any more. So now when you forced me to live without you, i am doing it. I am surviving through it. There are times i want to call you and yell and get the frustration out on you, i have done this in the past i agree but not this time. This time i choose to be quiet cause yelling and being angry hurts more when you don't get the whole point of me being paranoid. I was just afraid to loose you and now am not. Now i think i can be alright. With time i will be alright.
              There are moments when i miss you. I miss our talks a lot.So every time when i see you online, liked somebody's post, commented on something, i know you are alive and hope you are doing fine. Alive is okay for me. I can be okay with just your presence some where. So be okay, safe and be happy. I will get through this i know. The thing is don't come back wanting me when i have moved on. I can't see you hurt and in pain. I wouldn't ever want me to be the reason for your tears not today not tomorrow.  

A Romantic encounter

She didn't sleep that night. She was too excited, too happy with hundreds of thoughts racing her mind. Her heart never thumped this loud and her stomach didn't seem to have so many butterflies before. He had captured her mind, nothing could shake off the nerves she got in his presence. He texted "Just twelve hours baby. Sleep well."
          It was a four hours journey to his place. She lied to world about her whereabouts. No one had to know. It was not supposed to be jinxed. She reached his place and knocked his door. He opened the door "Quick, get in. Before the neighbors see you here." She hurried in. He stood there chatting her up with the usual routine. She removed her sweater. She brushed her hair and he came close. His face right up to hers. His nose rubbing hers. He gave her that look, the look where he knew he possessed her, he knew that every inch of her heart echoed his name. She loved that look, she didn't have to prove him how much she loved him. He picked her up and pushed her against the wall. He gently tapped his lips on hers. He then went deep in her throat, caught her hand held it tight and pushed her to the wall more. She could barely breathe. Her thoughts disappeared. Her legs weekend. She completely leaned on him for more.  He stopped on a sudden, stared at her for two seconds,kissed her on her forehead. "Wasn't this your idea of a perfect kiss?" he asked. In too much of a high she just nodded. "I will make you a cup of coffee. You have the softest lips." he said and left. She stood there leaning on the wall trying to memorize the entire kiss as it happened. So perfect she still could feel him even moments after it was over.