My Encouragement!!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

The War with One's Ownself

She never believed in people. All she ever thought was people come in your life to turn their back on you,hurt you till the pain becomes unbearable and leave you in misery. She had her reasons to think that way.. the unforgettable sad past where she had let someone close to her heart and he walked all over it. Somewhere we can't blame her. Our experiences make us who we are. Our choices determine who we become. She chose to be a hard ass. She seldom waited for anyone. Be it a friend or some random person. She'd quit before any grief could hit her. She unlike everyone could make a shield around herself so no emotions could penetrate and no person could hurt her. She had forgotten what it is to wait for a person. How to keep patience till things cool off and then be handled with the something called 'delicacy'. One slight hint of hurt and she backed out of relationships. Yet she could behave as if nothing had changed in her life. All was well.
               Life has the potential to change what we think. It molds us to be the right person. It throws us in scenarios we thought we had mastered. And then we realize our mastery was just another delusion. She fell in love again. And this time she actually cared for that person. He wasn't any other random guy who she'd be okay to leave. He had made his impression and vulnerable to his charm for once she had broken her shield. She cared,she laughed,after a long time she felt what it was to be 'in love'.
              Life plays us as puppets. Sometimes i feel it takes a retest just to check on how you deal with situations or rather to see if you learnt to deal with it the right way. He demanded some time off. He was in a mid life crisis. The race between fixing career and meeting the demands of your family. The struggle to make it to the top. The battle to fix what seems to be falling apart and in all this chaos relationship never seems to be a priority.
              She landed up in the same scenario as years before. The same place she loathed to be in. She was ready to put back on her shield but for the first time she hesitated,for she had known 'love' so close. This time she wanted to stay,to stick to him no matter how long he takes to get back on his feet. It was not easy for her. The waiting,the ignorance,his coldness towards her drained in his thoughts she secretly cried. There were times she decided to quit,there were times her anger,her past got the best of her. She even reacted but it was momentary. She'd calm down,say sorry to him and continue supporting him.
              In a way deep down it was a battle with her own self. The war to prove herself that atleast once she could make things work out. Atleast once she'd be brave enough to not quit. Atleast once she'd know what it is to be on the other side of a relationship where the issues settle and just love persists. This time she wasn't angry with life to push her back in misery. Instead she was happy she got a chance to prove her own beliefs wrong!!



  1. Loved this post.:-) The pain,the withdrawal,the desire to fight back.Very beautifully woven together.:-)Hope 'she' gets what she wants in the end.

  2. Awesome post, definitely shows that sometimes even your own perception of life can be wrong....

  3. @rahul... thanks a lot :) :)

    @kiara.... sometimes we interpret the situation wrong.. and blame it on others.. at times you just have to keep your patience and hold on!! :)

    @sridhar.. thank you :)

  4. I really really love your blog description, it is SO true! :]
    And the post, BEAUTIFUL! A lot of times you don't give up only because you know how winning and achieving feels.

  5. vry well written loved d intensity of feelings...nd im sure d wait wil pay off...coz in life after evry down there has 2 b a high...

  6. @unknown.... time will tell!!! :) :)

  7. awesomee!!! .... wait will pay! :) :)

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  9. Though it sounds like a leaf out of your diary, I guess everyone can pick a thing or two and work on it to mend one’s battle with oneself…