My Encouragement!!

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Night O Night Fade Away

I can't complain... I can't breathe.. I can't smile.. I can't live.. And yet i go on.. Walking on a pathless way.. Walking on a love tomb.. She Thought .... With this dark night comes in our good memories and they shadow my smile to wish we never had met.....She Thought . She buries her Head in the pillow 
and cries the night 
hoping it would smother her 
by accident Cold weary night it is.. she thought As cold as his promises.. She Thought...
She looks out the window.. There are dead soles wishing for life..  
and the living souls are 
breathing as the dead.... She Thought She couldn't hold his thoughts away.. 
How can a planned lifetime be forgotten in days... She Thought Move on they tell her.. 
She laughs.. 
Be at my place..hold my pain See how it feels.. She Thought.. This night o night fade away.. I sleep with no love..  
I wake up with no life.. She Thought

Friday, July 19, 2013

A Conversation In Shayari

He said "Gawah hai ye aasman,
              Gawah hai ye hawa,
              Kisiko na chaha kabhi tumhare siwa,
              Kyun hai phir ye tanhaiyan?"

I said   "Tanhai na duriyo se aati hai,
             Tanhai na nazdikiyo se jaati hai.
             Kuch log pyar hi aise karte hai,
             Woh paas aye toh bhi tanha hote hai..
             Woh dur jaaye toh bhi tanha hote hai...."

He said "Beautiful"

I said "Aap copy paste karte hai, hum dilse originals likhte hai."

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Romantic Rendezvous

"Its so green out" he said
"Let me make you a cup of tea" said I.
He held my hand and pulled me close
Dare you step away from me he cried.

So i sat there cuddled up in his arms
and we watched the clouds shedding by.
We looked at two birds hiding in the tree
"Aren't We the same my Love" he spieled.

He smelled my hair,
He kissed my cheeks,
Gently Oh so gently! he reached my lips,
He locked them with mine so soft and brief.

We stared at the sky and falling drops
and we made boats and ran them down the streams.
He made me take a walk in rain
I felt this is a deceptive dream.

I let him love me the way he wanted
I never questioned his silliness the day
A romantic unexpected rendezvous it was
Clasped in his arms i walked the rains.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Falling in Love All Over Again.

I saw her with a smile so mesmerizing and pure. She said "I am happy. He is perfect." It was her mehndi and i was her best friend. So obviously i had to be around. We were friends for almost ten years now and in this span our friendship had undergone a lots of ups and downs. There were time when we didn't speak for months but then there were times when no matter what differences we had, we always landed up comforting each other in our own downs.
               I was seeing her as a bride today, a beautiful happy bride. It was an arrange marriage. Arrange! this word scares the hell out of me. We both had a screw up relationship almost at the same time. Both our partners had bailed out of fear of commitment and later it all fell apart. And yet today i saw her this happy, recovered and healed. I was confused. May be my bruises were yet too fresh, unhealed and hurting. So making sure no one was around i asked her "How does this feel?" She smiled and said "Worth every tear i shed." "Am scared to take this leap" I said to her. "Its alright" I know this situation she said "But dear you will find someone so great that you will be forced to fall in Love all over again".
               My mind instantly had countless thoughts. That was me always thinking. I didn't know how to take that leap of faith. I knew I had been badly bruised to trust anyone anymore . If a person i had known for half a decade could so easily walk out on me I couldn't understand how would i expect a person i met a few months back to stay forever. And i pushed myself through a series of torturous thoughts. Does a forever exist? Can love still be unconditional? Even if it can be, Can I still find a person who can sweep me over my feet and win over a broken heart who has lost so much of faith in magical love stories?
               I have lost too much i thought. I have lost hope, belief and faith on the saying 'Someone out there is made just for you'. Because when it comes to relationships people manipulate, condition it and apply rules. May be I have become too skeptical, too practical and too emotionally unavailable i thought. I looked at her so back in love again. I was genuinely happy for her and in a way proud too . It takes a lot of efforts to feel this all over again or may be she found her perfect guy who made it all so easy for her. I laughed at myself for being so naive, for being so me. I am too messed up i thought and i said to myself  'Good luck to the guy who tries to lure this heart back into believing Love can exist unconditionally'.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Her One Mistake

He said she was the best thing that happened to him, she was a great girlfriend and that she would be an amazing wife. He said the only reason he survived his past five years was because of her and that the only time God was fair to him was when he brought her in his life. He said he missed her on their anniversary and that he wanted to call but he couldn't do get himself to dial her number. He said a lot of things and still in the end he said he had to go with his family and his career.
                      She sat there feeling like a fool. She listened so quietly to everything he said. She so wanted to yell. She was so angry. She wanted him to know the load of pain he was making her go through and how much of her he had already destroyed. She wanted to say a lot of things, yell, curse and pour out all the anger she had silenced in her but she couldn't. Instead she just listened to all his excuses, all his good words and his jokes and all she could think of is how much she missed him. How much important he was for her and yet even after so much drama she thought of him every passing second. The time when he said 'Sorry' and hung up the phone she sat alone in front of the mirror thinking she had been such a fool. He knew it all along. He played her all along and she realized it so very late. She thought of all those good times, every single one of them and then she thought 'Was that all drama? Pointless emotions who later were gonna choke her every breath'. She looked at herself and she looked at those countless tears trickling down her cheeks and she felt her heart being squeezed, being smothered. He was so alright. Even when he was speaking to her she realized he had already accepted that she wasn't a part of his life anymore and so gently he had planned the whole conversation. And with so many kind words he swiftly pulled her out of his life. She felt so much of a fool. He said to her please remember our good times too and she laughed at that sentence in her head. The good times she thought. She must have been hallucinating, thinking this was it. He was it.
                  She found herself on the ground, lying with the phone next to her. She wished she could just lie like this forever. She felt everything, everyone moving with so much pace and that she was stuck, not knowing where to go, whom to trust, how to move on. She felt so alone. If she was so good she thought then why didn't he fight for her? Why was it so easy for him to move on and why was she only the one feeling empty inside?
                 She was lost. Lost in a world where love didn't matter, no matter how good you be, goodness didn't matter. He left and she was broken in half. One half reminding her how well he played her all way through and other half reminding her that she had to live with this betrayal and regret that she had chosen him for the rest of her life.

Monday, July 8, 2013

Getting Over!

"In the back seat of his car" she said to her friend. "I can't believe this. I can't believe myself. When did i become this shallow and messed up?" she couldn't stop rambling.
Her friend started laughing. "Car ! Backseat!" she almost yelled. "Whoa!".
"Stop it. Listen to me." she said to her friend. "Its been just three months. Three months from this break up of a long relationship. And look at me." Her voice almost sounded choked.
 "I am listening to you. I am. I have seen you through that relationship. I have seen you spending lonely nights. I have seen you crying almost everyday. I have seen how hard he had made the entire past year for you. And now if you can breathe free, you can be out there and feel good, please do. You owe it yourself" her friend made her point.
" I wasn't like this. I wasn't this person i have become" she still couldn't get the hold of herself.
"As long as you aren't playing with anybody's emotions honey. You are alright." her friend continued. I don't want you miserable and sad. Whatever helps in getting you over him and back to life, am fine with it. Am here to just make sure you don't get yourself into any trouble. Till then just have fun. So tell me, tell me what happened in the back seat? I am dying to know."
She laughed. "We kissed" she said.
"And?" her friend almost so curious.
"And nothing. We just kissed." she replied.
"How did it all start?" her friend asked.
"Well i should thank the movie we went to see. We got to holding hands and you know the stuff." she said.
"Oh, the stuff! Right! and then? her friend asked.
"And then one thing let to another. Before i knew we were kissing in his car." she almost blushed narrating this.
"So how was the kiss?" her friend asked.
"Long, long and french." she exhaled a deep puff of air as she remembered the damp closed car with raindrops on the window panes. "Just amazing. I had forgotten what it was to get butterflies in the stomach. And now i don't seem to remember why!".

Friday, July 5, 2013

A Conversation That Cut Through

Me: I am lonely.

My Friend: I am there right.

Me: I know

My friend: Why lonely suddenly?

Me: You know why.

My friend: Even when he was with you, was he ever there for you?

I said nothing.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Strange And Unusual !!

" I need to be in your arms" I said to him. "I need to breakdown and cry this night."
He looked at me. He kissed my forehead and he said "Honey come into my arms but not to cry. Whats the point if you cry in my arms too. When you lie here with me, i want you to smile."
                  I just laid there comfortably rolled in those perfect arms clenched perfectly around me, listening to those perfect heartbeats. I looked at him and looked into his eyes, his mesmerizing possessive black eyes staring down at me. I asked "What?". He said nothing, kissed my forehead and held me more tight. I loved to lay in his arms like this. I could be anything anyone in front of him and i knew i wouldn't be questioned or judged.  He was my greatest comfort zone. He would listen to me whine, tolerate me cranky. He would say the sweetest softest and the most romantic words when i'd wanna hear. I wondered what was this unshakeable bond, this free happy attachment to him. I lay there thinking held in his arms so close so comfortable. I noticed he was still staring down at me. I asked him again "What?" He had that stupefying enchanting smile of his. All he said was "Forget him". I still had an ocean of tears hoarded. I still had to explain him the pain i was in. But it seemed he already knew. He was there watching me all along all these years.
              The lights went dim and in the darkness i felt his hands brushing my hair. He kissed my forehead again. A bit longer this time and he said "The pain will pass off. And I am here ." "Is this normal?" I asked myself. But i didn't care. I was happily cuddled up in his arms, protected from the pain. After what seemed a million years finally I slept at peace listening to the soft beats of my best friend.